Hi! I’m Karen. I’ve been a citizen of the internet since before it was scary and we all found out what Zuck was really up to.
These days I’m in my early 40s, stepmother to three older kids: Oldest (27F), Middle (24M), and Youngest (19F and finishing college). Obviously they have real names, but just because I am a citizen of the internet doesn’t mean anyone should search their names and find their stepmom’s Substack.
My husband Jeff, however, forfeited internet privacy long ago — or at least 11 years ago when he married me. He’s an early Gen Xer (as opposed to my Elder Millennial self) so we do have to navigate a generational gap and his lack of appreciation for the greatest hits of the late 90s/early 2000s. Beyond that, he brings incredible patience to me, incredible guilt to his dynamics with the kids and is my absolute favorite person on the planet. That last one being the biggest reason for my willingness to take on all of the baggage he brought to our marriage and step into any challenging situation alongside him.
In the last decade-plus, we’ve navigated custody “adventures,” toxic dynamics with an ex, a disproportionate number of mental health challenges (I count one anxiety-ridden poodle in the mix here), and some of the standard 2020s rites of passage: ADHD, autism spectrum, gender journeys, pandemic parenting, and empty nesting. There were certainly years when the bad days outnumbered the good — but lately, we’ve tipped the scales the other way.
I was the first of my friends to date someone with kids, let alone marry one. Putting yourself out there as an authority in a space when your qualification for the role is simply “living your life” or “being yourself” or “getting tricked into marrying a handsome guy who’s 16 years older and separated but not divorced thus introducing you to a series of experiences you weren’t expecting given your sheltered and happy childhood,” feels like a bit of a stretch but these days we have people far less qualified taking on far bigger titles so no reason for me to hold myself back!
Professionally, I’ve spent my career in marketing, communications, and tech and in all organizations have found myself leading teams, managing clients, and building systems. Which, if we’re honest, isn’t all that different from attempting to develop “executive functioning” skills in teenagers. At work, I’ve written crisis communications plans and, at home, I’ve written emails for my “children” to send to professors and/or landlords. At work, I’ve managed multimillion dollar client portfolios; at home, I’ve managed holiday plans across multiple families, priorities and time zones. The tools are different but it’s all the same job: step in, make sense of the mess and clean it up to move forward.
Once in a job interview, I was asked how comfortable I was with a role that had “influence but no authority” and I realized that that describes every single day of my life with my kids.
So that’s me! I really don’t define myself solely (or even firstly) by my role in this family, but I have to be honest: it’s the biggest headache, the greatest source of comedy and the #1 reason Jeff and I have any conflict. I know I’m not alone and am so happy to bring some of you along on the journey.
