My favorite childhood story, naturally, was about turn-of-the-century efficiency experts.
I loved Cheaper by the Dozen — not because I wanted more siblings, but because the parents optimized everything. While the book described children mortified by their father’s efficiency methods, I was in my bedroom trying to replicate them.
I’ve always been that person: the one who sees what needs to happen and steps forward to make it work. Which sets you up quite naturally for a lifetime as the fixer, the planner, and the cruise director of other people’s chaos.
As an adult, you have the things you’re paid to do and the things you want to do. But you also have the things that have to get done that aren’t happening because the people around you won’t do them.
Sheryl Sandberg told us to “lean in,” but that’s never been my issue. My issue is that I can’t help but step forward — especially when no one else does. And she who steps forward, often steps in it.
What that looks like varies widely. Obviously being a stepmother is the most direct connection. More often though, it’s stepping into jobs I never dreamed I’d hold: unaccredited therapist, project manager, holiday organizer, crisis counselor, and full-time manager of situations that were never mine to begin with.
This newsletter is about finding solidarity in that — knowing that sometimes you’re late to the party and stuck cleaning up, but there’s humor, life lessons, and occasional satisfaction in it.
Here, you’ll find essays and reflections on:
The invisible labor of stepparents, caregivers, and “default adults” managing families and workplaces they didn’t build but are expected to run
The absurdity and humor in modern life — from workplace dysfunction to blended family chaos — that are rarely acknowledged but always survived
The emotional complexity of leadership roles (formal or informal) where desires and reality don’t align
The parallels between parenting and management: both require diplomacy, emotional regulation, and an operations mindset
This space is for:
Anyone who’s ever been told “you’ve got this” when you have it but don’t necessarily want it
Stepparents, managers, caregivers, and reluctant fixers who keep getting handed things because they’re “organized” or “better at” whatever the task at hand is
People navigating the unscripted parts of adulthood with humor instead of a breakdown
Essays every Tuesday. Advice column every Friday.
If you’re the person everyone calls when things fall apart, you’re in the right place.
Find me elsewhere on the internet as @okaydoak and feel free to send comments or questions to steppinginit@substack.com. Community guidelines & commenting policy are linked in Publisher Terms below.
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Learn more about who I am and why I started this space in these posts:
